Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
