Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
