This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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