just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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