Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
