She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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