My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
