One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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