I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
