It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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