The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
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He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
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Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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