I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
