moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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