maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
