Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
