i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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