Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The adults are the big ones right?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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