There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
