i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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