I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I believe in your delicious
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
