Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
