Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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