And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
