I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
