i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
