I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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