My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
