and you said cock pushups were impossible
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
