wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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