On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
