no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
