You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
