you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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