You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
