I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
