Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
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I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
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he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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