I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
