hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
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It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
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Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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