remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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