I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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