Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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