I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
