You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
