clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
