maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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