some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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