New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard