how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
