So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Enjoy the penises
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
