Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
they need to just BURY HIM!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
