Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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