You can't motorboat a personality
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
