im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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