I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
