Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
