it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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