Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We talked him into tasing himself.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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