this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
