Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
