I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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