Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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