Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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