How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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