Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
