My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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