We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize